Great Loss

(read the previous post first, then come back to this post!)
As I mentioned, some things I have to write about are sad.  In inner city ministry there are times of great loss.  This past year has been one of those for me.  {I write this post more as a form of therapy and a way to process my thoughts}

Today I was walking through the neighborhood picking up children for church.  As we headed back to the church I passed my friend.  Just 1 1/2 years ago she was walking with me to pick up these children for church.  She was a motherly figure to the children who's parents were too strung out to care about them.  She was a role model and striving to follow Christ.  Today, her face was dark and sunken in.  Her body whittled down by heroin to less than 100 lbs.  She walked with another lady looking for a car to get into so she could get enough money for her next fix.  My heart sank as we said a brief "hi" to each other.  There was my best friend, a lady I had great dreams for, waisting away. 

I am filled with such great emotion when I think of her.  Anger-that Satan can have such a grasp on someones life.  Helpless-I can not rescue her, she has to make that choice and I have to wait.  Sad-for many reasons...sad for her, sad for me, sad for God, sad for what could have been.  Confusion-how can someone who cared for children of addicts turn and do the same thing to her own child now?  Hope-I know my God, and her God, is bigger than Heroin and Crack and can redeem her...I just don't know how long it will take.  I hope not long because the life she is living is so dangerous and lots of people just like her die often.

Then just after thinking through all of this, I think of my other friend who's urn is currently sitting in my linen closet (waiting for her husband to be ready to take it).  Her life ended so early, not by her choice or actions, but by the cancer that over took her body.  She would have loved to watch her children grow up.  She was looking forward to her first wedding anniversary which would have been this week.  I know she is enjoying her new heavenly body and worshiping our Lord, and I'm so happy for her for that, but I am sad she is gone.

On a day to day basis I do not think about how great of a loss I have suffered "loosing" these two ladies in my life.  I put my focus on how I can minister to the others God has places in my life.  But, days like today, walking by my friend or the song I heard tonight "I can only imagine" bring the feelings of loss to the surface. 

As I'm trying to write a conclusion to this post, the song "Blessed Be Your Name" came on Pandora.  What a perfect ending. "Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise.  When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say, Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be your name.  You give and take away...my heart will choose to say, Blessed be your name."

Amen.